Grumps, or Why I Haven't Blogged in a While

The week of Jessie’s birthday (January 19th) my Dad—Jessie’s Grumps—died. The road we all travelled these last few weeks was filled with laughter and grief, as all our comings and goings are, I think.

Since much of what is important in life is about relationship, I offer here glimpses of Jessie’s relationship with Grumps. Some photos of them together, and a final photo of all of us (my mom, Jessie, Grumps and me) with the quilt we made for him from his old golf pants. A treasured quilt, a treasured man.

As we prepared for the “celebration” of his life, Jessie asked if she could speak at the gathering. This is what she said:

Grumps was my grandfather. To me he was the best reader. He loved rhyming books and when I was little he read to me. He also loved to correct my grammar. But most of all I loved his heart. He also had a great sense of humour. Grumps taught me to breathe and to have an open mind. I loved his smile. And when he smiled, you knew that he had the capacity for joy. You might not know this about Grumps, but he had 2 stomachs. One for regular food, and one for sweets like caramel ice cream, carrot cake, almond crescents, dove bars, and crème caramel. If his “regular” stomach was full, there was room in that second stomach for anything sweet. And the more in that second stomach the better. He gave me this gift of a second stomach. So I say have some ice cream to celebrate Grumps!

And that's just what we all did!

A Short Bit About Being Alive, or Life, Death, Buses

Fall has set in and Jessie is fully engaged in all of her activities—including Propeller Dance, hip hop, music, drama, and teaching dance—in addition, of course, to school (where she will be doing a work placement at the Food Bank starting later this fall). She is managing her schedule incredibly well (although that’s never really been the issue, the problem is usually how I am managing it!), including learning two new bus routes so she could get herself where she needed to go independently while I was away at a 4-day retreat with a trip to Montreal tacked on to the end.

While not a novel observation by any means, the more responsibility she is given (where there are few to pick up the pieces—except all those neighbours and friends we have co-opted as back-ups and guides) the more she rises to the occasion. While I was away, Dan said she did a great job taking care of herself and supporting him in what he had to do. I know there were probably many glitches, and probably many snacks that might not make it on the nutritionist’s list; however, she not only survived, but felt a proud sense of stepping up to the next level.

This will probably be important as we head in to this fall, as I might be away at unpredictable times; my father (Jessie’s beloved Grumps of the two-stomach fame) was just diagnosed with cancer. While it was odd to go straight from a 4-day silent retreat to a meeting at the oncology department, Jessie’s response put it all into perspective for me. When I called her later that afternoon and shared the treatment plan with her, she was ecstatic. I tried to tone her excitement down a bit, not wanting her to hold on to magic cures (my Dad is, after all, 80 years old, and as I told Jessie, likely to die in her lifetime), trying to keep her focused on a reasonable reality.

“But Mom!” she said, as if I had totally missed the point, “Today he is ALIVE!!” That he is Jess. That he is.