Just the Basics

I have work!!!! Which will keep me busy and away from posting on this lovely blog on a semi-regular basis. I will try to post something at least once a week and reach back into the Retro Jessie pile, which is waiting. Our daily summer routine is falling into place, including negotiating (read fighting) about the rules and structures we agreed on. Peace sometimes seems a very foreign concept in this house and I keep going back and re-reading Desmond Tutu, thinking: if they can do it in South Africa surely we can do it here in one house on one street in this little Canadian city! Forgiveness seems to be the key.

So for today … I forgive all teenagers all transgressions against all makers of miracles (read mothers). But just for this one day!

Today=basic chores; basic to do (Which includes “work on your dreams and goals.” Now how hard can that really be and do we really need to argue about it? Note: dreams and goals are NOT defined or vetted by me, they can be (and are) anything, including “write great lyrics and send to Jonas Brothers.”); pretty basic lunch; basic be social with Aunt who is over to stay and very interested in me and tries to make conversation but all I seem to be able to respond with today is “I don’t know.”; basic bleach facial hair; basic dishes; basic cut veggies for pizza dinner because I have invited about 6 friends over to eat here and go to movie up the street; and basic go to bank so I have money to go to the movie with my friends.

Pretty balanced summer day, if you assume that all basic activities require no prompting. Hmmm. So that’s where my day goes when I am supposed to be working straight through! (I work freelance, from home. It has its obvious benefits and, especially in summer, its own particular drawbacks.) Next week volunteering with our local Shakespeare-in-the-park company—Company of Fools—starts and that will keep her out and doing something she loves about three nights a week. This is a different summer for us, as it is the first summer she is not in some form of day camp for July. While as she matured she moved from basic camp to leadership camp to arts leadership camp, she isn’t yet at the point where she can participate in a paid summer job, so she is volunteering.

How that balance plays out through out the month will be the interesting challenge. So. Stay tuned and place your bets:

• Will Nancy and Jessie still be talking by the end of the month?
• Will chores and other skills for independence end up in the green bin along with the potato and strawberry scraps, to be pulled out and recycled in September?
• Will Nancy have been able to put in any billable hours?
• Will Jessie stay awake through all her volunteer time? (note to readers: Jessie has a tendency to fall asleep at any job/work that requires sitting down for an extended—or even a short—period of time. Unless you are performing Shakespeare!)

Will any of this matter in the long run? As parents, we like to think so, but I am not really sure!

Summer, Strawberries, and Skill Building: Oh Let it Go Nan!

Our summer begins, as all our summers have since Jessie was born, with a trip to pick fresh local strawberries. We are lucky to be living in a city where you don’t have to even leave the city to find a pick-your-own field, and so it doesn’t require much planning. Only a thought, a friend or two, and free morning. The friend or two is the key to making it work, as Jess is not one to get too excited about manual labour, even if it is in a field and results in food.

Strawberries are best, of course, with shortcake and a liberal dose of whipped cream. When she was younger, we avoided the whipped cream, intent as we were on keeping her diet “healthy.” We used vanilla yogurt instead. That changed when she was around 6 years old (see journal entry from 1997!) and had lunch at her friend Maddie’s up the street. It was late June and the strawberries were just out. Georgia, the mom, presented the girls with a large bowl of strawberries and an equally large bowl of whipped cream. I don’t think Jessie had ever even seen the stuff before. She dipped her strawberry in, took one bite, looked at Georgia with her eyes wide in wonder and said “I’ve never tasted yogurt like THIS before! Can you tell my Mom where to get it?” That summer it was hard for me to keep Jessie away from Maddie’ house. She would sneak out of the house and arrive in their kitchen through the back door, asking for just a little bit of that special yogurt!

Late yesterday CG called with an invite to go strawberry picking. At least one of the girls (her daughters and Jessie’s best-est friends, Rachel and Rebecca) would be available to go, meaning that we could probably entice Jessie. The weather was perfect, not the usual sweltering heat in which we usually end up picking strawberries. There was a breeze, the field was almost empty of people, and we had row upon row of strawberries to choose from. Some even made it into Jessie’s basket.

Back at home, Jessie dutifully checked off her routine (a draft summer routine that we came up with before Dan left for Los Angeles for the week, in the hopes that Jessie and I would not argue the whole time he was gone over TV and the computer—this is the first year that Jessie has a kind of ad hoc schedule involving volunteer work, teaching, and just hanging out) of reading, chores, planning for time with friends, Facebook, checking her email, exercise, and working on her “dreams and goals.” Then told me that she absolutely needed and deserved TV. I began to argue, then dropped it. It IS the beginning of summer, and I need to let go of what I think she should be doing and allow her to decide, within the balance that we have set out for her.

I begin to prepare the strawberries and realize that this is something I should be teaching her. While I would like her to WANT to help me prepare strawberries, to want to learn to do it, I realize that I will have to let go of it … today. And for tomorrow, I will have to come up with a great enticement that will make her want to learn. Like making jam! With friends! Hmmmmm. I think I need to call CG and see what she and the girls have on later this week.
(Photos © 2010 Paper Clip Camera Cathy Gray)