It's 7 a.m. Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

Yup. And I gotta brag! Because this is definitely not our usual routine (which often involves at least one door slam, one “you’re not supposed to be watching TV in the morning,”, and one “Stop telling me what to do!”

Jessie got up at 6 am (in spite of staying up way past 11 last night to watch the MTV awards and Justin Bieber) and was at the computer writing before I even came down. Notice writing and NOT watching videos or old TV shows. She then made herself a healthy breakfast of scrambled eggs (Mom, I learned how to crack eggs from watching the movie Serena, with Audrey Hepburn. Its ALL in the wrist!) and a whole wheat English muffin. Then she unloaded the dishwasher, put the dishes away, and loaded it back up again before going upstairs and putting away her laundry.

I was going to blog about the fear and loathing in my heart as summer approached and we had no real plans for Jess—but I guess we’ll have to wait for that one. For now, I’m going to let myself enjoy this first real day of summer.

Dance with Alana, Part 1: The GPS [hijacked]

In which Nan starts to write about a single day, reads it to Jess, gets reprimanded for the use of the word “schmooze,” and Jess takes over the blog.

Another day, another performance, another good-bye! That’s June. That’s Jessie’s life. The only thing that makes it easier is the GPS Dan bought me as a present. I just plug in all the addresses (dress rehearsal here, year-end party there, quick meal on the road here, performance over there) and my true life’s calling as a chauffeur is actualized.

Yesterday presented a bit of a challenge, as Jessie had to go from the Dandelion year end/good-bye pool party (staying only an hour when the party was continuing on past dinner and into the evening) to the rehearsal and performance for a dance studio--Dance with Alana--where she has taken up hip hop. I had tried to talk her out of this performance, knowing that the year-end Dandelion party would be a highlight (it was beside a pool and they were doing spa stuff in addition to eating a delicious dinner with cake!). But her genes (the performing ones, not the Down syndrome ones) dictated that ‘the show must go on.’

Of course, I sent Dan in to pull her out of the pool party—I made the excuse that I had to program the GPS. It’s just way too hard to do ALL the things you want to do without some activities conflicting with others, and its just way too easy to blame Mom (moi) for the conflict or the necessity of leaving. So when I have the chance to put Dan in the line of fire, I do.

We did get her out of the idyllic oasis—believe me, I would have loved for her to stay and maybe even find a way to invite myself in—and headed downtown to drop her off at the university for the rehearsal. Unfortunately, my GPS wasn’t able to account for the Franco-Ontarian Festival, the Fringe Festival, a large group of unruly children wielding drums and banners, and the closed parking lot, which precipitated me yelling at it (notice the “it” and not my family, yet) as it intoned “Recalculating….. recalculating … recalculating….” and I drove around in circles trying to figure out where to park. Jessie added her own refrain of “But I’m going to be late!!!!” while Dan grumbled, “You know, I can take the GPS back if you don’t like it.” At which point I stopped the car in the middle of the street, turned the GPS off, and told them to get out. Nicely. Really. “But …,” starts Jessie. Dan looks at me and just whooshes her and her dance bag out of the car saying, “We’ll meet you inside.”

I did find a parking space after only 3 more times around the campus. It was far enough away for me to have composed myself by the time I got to the theatre. Jessie was in the dressing room, dressing and schmoozing
. . socializing with other people. Jessie was having a great time rehearsing and keeping the vibe going. Her attitude-stricken dance moves were amazing. As I saw the performance I thought to myself, “Wow, these people are amazing dancers and performers.” When I saw Jessie’s hip-hop piece I thought that Jessie did an amazing job with the dance. She has some serious attitude in the dance.

Okay. So that last part is Jessie as she decided to take over the computer and the blog, even the “attitude-stricken dance moves.” Which is why I am trying to convince her to do her own blog. There’s my “Life with Jessie” and then there's “Life BY Jessie.” I know which I would prefer to read!

When I decided to start this blog, I did promise Jessie that she would be able to vet what I wrote, and that I wouldn’t write about anything she didn’t want me to write about, as this is, after all her life! At first she wasn’t very interested, except to know that I was writing about her (which she thought was pretty cool). Then I loaded Google Analytics and brought her in to see how many people were reading the blog (okay, it was less than 5, mostly friends, but still bordering on fame to her). Hmmm. She liked this part, especially where she got to click on the map and see where the people lived.

Then she decided that she wanted to read what I was writing (because I leave it up on the family computer) and she took great exception to me using the word “schmooze.” (Too close to “booze”; she thought I was saying that she was drinking back stage, which, she informed me, she definitely was Not. Phew, glad we got that cleared up). Then I went to help with dinner and when I returned she had taken over the computer, erased the last paragraph I had written, and put in what she thought I should have written. I like her version better. Maybe she’ll get her blog up and running yet!!!

RETRO JESSIE: Best Laid Plans: The Jonas Brothers [November 2008]

We are negotiating these transition years with a great deal of angst, frustration, and—when we can step back and look at the bigger picture—laughter as our daughter Jessie’s drive for independence often leads us down what we (as her parents) feel are major detours or even crashes (of will). Of course, as parents our opinion is suspect at best.

Anyone who has been to our house knows that, while the house is a disaster, our plans for independence would rival the best book on the subject. We have checklists (for her morning routine, for the evening routine, for food, for homework, for breakfast). We have visual cues (for laundry, for making and packing lunch, for taking a shower). We even have clocks colour coded to support her telling time. What we don’t have is any degree of ‘buy-in’ from Jessie, or what we as parents would label ‘success.’

Our biggest challenge these days is getting Jessie to plan. Plan her day, plan her goals, plan her homework, plan her precious time with friends, plan getting out the door on time so she doesn’t miss the bus. We have backed off on rescuing her (we no longer drive her to school when she is late, remind her when her homework is due, gather her dance clothes and costumes together, or make her check her email) and then have to lock ourselves in the basement to stop ourselves from intervening to make it all work out.

Somehow, she does not quite grasp that telling me that she needs hawk wings for a performance that is in 2 hours is not a terribly effective plan. She looks at me first in desperation, then in anger. What kind of a mother am I, that I can’t make hawk wings in a ten-minute time frame. “But, I’ve made a commitment!” she wails (oh yes, she has the language down, just can’t make the connection to HER role in it all).

Then yesterday she came home from school very excited about . . . yet another scheme. Jessie always has lots of schemes ... for creating a choir, making a movie, writing a documentary, going on the road with Miley Cyrus, living in New York with her best friend, buying our local rundown movie theatre—the Mayfair, stopping all injustice in the world, being the most popular girl on the planet ... and the list goes on. Great, I say. What’s the plan?

And low and behold she had one! A very detailed plan! That started with a rough copy of a letter she wrote to the Jonas Brothers (I refrained from asking WHICH class she wrote this in. I don’t want to know, and if I ask then, as a parent I will have to say, again, you need to be paying attention in class to what is going on IN class! Which I am tired of saying and I am sure she is tired of hearing and which really makes no difference. Ah yes, the humbling experience of parenting a teen—when we are faced with our utter powerlessness, which I have heard is supposed to lead to a spiritual awakening but has only really sent me into expensive therapy.)

I do have to share the letter with you, because she said I could and because, when I ignore the fact that it is to the Jonas Brothers, it actually demonstrates a certain degree of skill in its structure and its argument. It goes like this:

ROUGH COPY
TO: Jonas Brothers.
Please
Respond
Politely !!!!!!!! (yes, 8 exclamation points)

Jonas Brothers,
My name is Jessie Huggett and I write lyrics and I was wondering if we could get together so I can show you my lyrics and you guys can help me with the music and the beat and the tempo and everything. And maybe I could come on the tours to be your lyricist? I know Nick is the songwriter, but have you tried to get a lyricist to write the songs for you?

This will be like a huge opportunity that you cannot miss out on. Please. Pretty please. With whipped cream on top.

It will be great opportunity for me as well, because when I grow up I want to be a Hollywood lyricist. That is my dream.

I also have a laptop. I can type. Plus I have a printer. If you guys let me go with you on tours, I can type the lyrics out and I can print them out and you guys can have the printed copies.

Thank you so much,
Jessie Huggett

Now, the letter is pretty good, but the piece de résistance is the plan. All neatly written out and the key to the whole scheme.

Here’s my plan (writes Jessie)

Step 1: Make Letter.
Step 2: Type out the letter.
Step 3: Ask Mom to print it out.
Step 4: Get stamps.
Step 5: Address the letter.
Step 6: Mail the Letter.
Step 7: Wait until they respond.
Step 8: Receive the responded letter and read it.
Step 9: When they say yes, say “Oh Yeah” very loud.

“Oh yeah!” very loud, is what I exclaimed when she shared her plan with me. All our hard work has paid off! Not in the way that we had planned (we still despair her ever getting out the door on time), but in the way that SHE has planned. And that’s the point isn’t it? When it comes to something truly meaningful and important to her, she can plan how to get there. Baby steps, baby steps. Both going forward (her) and backing off (us).