What really matters is love.
Love underpins life.
Especially life together, because that is where life leads us—together. Love is
about relationship: with ourselves, our children, our family, our lovers and
life partners, and, underneath it all, if you are so inclined, God.
Love is my challenge. It’s what
gets me up in the morning and then beckons me into tasks and relationships I am
not sure I know how to do. But it matters deeply. And it’s what really matters in
my life with Jessie, as I try to mother through this transition—hers and mine. Sometimes
I stumble upon love in her laughter or her singing scales in the bathroom and
it pierces me with its sheer delight and depth. Sometimes I pursue it
relentlessly, asking, endlessly asking, what would love do? How would love
respond? Because I am at a loss and my rational logical mind is not coming up
with solutions that work.
Love is underneath all the
therapy, advocacy, learning strategies, rules, and problem solving. But sometimes
love gets lost there, under all the layers of care that go into raising a
daughter with a disability (or any daughter, so I am told). Because without a
gentle touch, a hands-on or spiritual caress that honours and frames her being,
these layers of care become intrusion. And I lose sight of what I want and who
she is. And I have to parse the pieces and hold them up to the light to find
each brilliant colour.
And to lose something too.
The sense of molding, shaping, forming. God does that. And I am here to learn
to love. That is the only way to mold, shape, or form that matters. And it has
taken me this long to even name it. And it will take me even longer to learn
it. But I get to practice. Every day.
Go see What Really Matters to others over at {Ellen Stumbo Writing Prompt}
