Wednesday, November 28, 2012

What Really Matters {Ellen Stumbo Writing Prompt}

What really matters is love.

Love underpins life. Especially life together, because that is where life leads us—together. Love is about relationship: with ourselves, our children, our family, our lovers and life partners, and, underneath it all, if you are so inclined, God.

Love is my challenge. It’s what gets me up in the morning and then beckons me into tasks and relationships I am not sure I know how to do. But it matters deeply. And it’s what really matters in my life with Jessie, as I try to mother through this transition—hers and mine. Sometimes I stumble upon love in her laughter or her singing scales in the bathroom and it pierces me with its sheer delight and depth. Sometimes I pursue it relentlessly, asking, endlessly asking, what would love do? How would love respond? Because I am at a loss and my rational logical mind is not coming up with solutions that work.

Love is underneath all the therapy, advocacy, learning strategies, rules, and problem solving. But sometimes love gets lost there, under all the layers of care that go into raising a daughter with a disability (or any daughter, so I am told). Because without a gentle touch, a hands-on or spiritual caress that honours and frames her being, these layers of care become intrusion. And I lose sight of what I want and who she is. And I have to parse the pieces and hold them up to the light to find each brilliant colour.

And to lose something too. The sense of molding, shaping, forming. God does that. And I am here to learn to love. That is the only way to mold, shape, or form that matters. And it has taken me this long to even name it. And it will take me even longer to learn it. But I get to practice. Every day.

Go see What Really Matters to others over at {Ellen Stumbo Writing Prompt}


The Trousdell Five said...

"What would love do?" as a way to come up with a solution - that is just so great! I'm going to start using that!

MoonDog said...

I like the part about delighting in finding her singing scales. Its these simple ordinary everyday things that parents of special kids find joy in. We may never watch them do some things so we find joy in the little things. Underneath it all, that's what matters to me, finding joy in the journey